November 11, 2012 by hattersleysmith
We locked the boys downstairs with whisky, cards and sausages whilst herds of girlfriends scrambled into our sitting room, poured out G&Ts and bubbles, giggled at naughty straws and wedged bums into sofas, duvets, cushions for an evening of Ann Summers in all its buzzing glory.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE.
Introducing our hostess Josie…
After tips from The Grand Expertess herself, two hours of catalogue flipping, crisp munching, peeling off, switching on, wide-eyeing, tittering, pulling up, holding in, swinging round and paying out ensued. Black, red, strapped, stringed, zipped, see-through, buttoned, frilled, tight lingerie et al were mercilessly thrown around the top floor as we pinched in, laced up, strutted the stuff. All previous qualms and inhibitions were thrown to the wind as Josie held up teensy little net-body-stringy-things and an array of large, knobbly, pulsating machines which looked like mass martian torture devices before bodices, costumes, corsets and baby-dolls adorned curves and floor, After Eight Willies were guzzled and our hostess-with-the-mostest made her commission.
Despite the general hilarity, it might be argued that the night was oddly philosophical, teaching us some fundamental life lessons:
1) You can’t not feel great in lace and chiffon.
2) Rabbits are not always fluffy and cute.
3) Dressing up is key.
4) Multi-coloured phallic confetti may seem like a good idea at the time.
5) Josie definitely has a hula-hooping inner goddess.
We enjoyed a terrific evening of female bonding whilst our boys lost fivers over poker below (and despite the EDF energy blob being blighted forever in my mind). However, sadly, it was soon time to wave Josie off, nom the remaining canapés and head out for a jolly good dance in Fabios.
Although the prospect of an Ann Summers party may seem daunting and a bit grim, we all had a fantastic time; I’d definitely recommend booking one with the girlfriends if you fancy a night of giggles and fancy dress, though if you do, remember to lock the boys out and ensure there are plentiful phallic straws…