Battle of the North East: Milking vs. Porting


December 7, 2012 by hattersleysmith

A few weeks ago students released ‘Milking Newcastle’ into the procrastinatory quagmire of YouTube, exhibiting an assortment of tousled young scallywags emptying bottles of milk over their heads in and around the city.  Within a few hours this bizarre ‘milking’ was trending across dinner tables, shop counters and lecture halls, not to mention the Twittersphere and the almighty FB.  If this took off as the new ‘planking’ British dairy farmers would be back in business.  Reponses were mixed;

It is a waste of milk, it is a mess that someone else has to clean up, it is just stupid beyond belief! Poor ‘low brow’ behavior by idiots!!!!! @Rick Hampton

im 22 years old and i think this is f***ing awesome @qwerty3365

i thought planking, owling, etc was fairly humorous. This is just pure buffoonery and wasteful. Thats why NOONE laughs on every single video. because its just retarded @the6ChickMagnet

But overall, it seemed that for two weeks we were (excuse me) lapping it up!

But like any North Eastern coup d’état, there’s always a veritable force ready to trump you down.  Newcastle University might have a penchant for doing a Cleopatra and drenching themselves in milk, Durham have quite a different take.

Earlier today the rascals uploaded their return-fire grenade in the form of ‘Porting Durham’.  This is one-up-manship on a scale yet before witnessed between the neighbouring unis.  The whole stunt might seem extravagantly lavish, but I am reliably informed that “no port was wasted in the making of this film” (anonymous conspirator) and that the makers are apparently raising awareness of the rising price of alcohol…a satirical comment perhaps.  It’s already trending with the clever addition of the #portingDurham at the end of the film;

No wonder the locals hate us… #portingDurham @EdBligh

‘Milking’ is bizarre to start off with, but this is very bad taste – so much money wasted @lowriifor

Possibly one of the greatest things I’ve seen! #portingDurham @chris_howard

Personally, I find the whole trend hilarious and bizarre as chaps of the world unite to get wet and cold for the amusement of the bored-with-essayers, in-need-of-a-smilers and live-my-life-onliners.  There needs to be more randomness in this world; more afternoons of carrying spare clothes, more pointless ways to make each other laugh, more stuff to raise eyebrows and get people talking.

Strong from the boys of the North East.

I’m just intrigued as to what’s next for the pouring-liquid-on-our-heads scene?  Champagning Chelsea?  Guinessing Dublin?  YorkshireTeasing Harrogate?


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